In last week’s opening class to our Momentum Course, I addressed what I call “The Tender Art of Niching.” It’s a funny topic, because it’s at once extremely fundamental to having a successful business, and it is something that nearly everyone struggles with. Everyone.
There’s a lot to be said for having a niche, or, in plain language, “knowing who you are wanting to reach.”
It’s smart. It makes everything hugely easier, including creating offers, writing marketing copy, finding clients, and receiving referrals.
Just because something is smart, however, doesn’t mean we do it. For thirty years U.S. presidents have been committing to getting us off our oil dependence, being “energy independent” It’s still not happening.
Forget about smartness. Let’s look instead at the missing pieces -humility and tenderness.
Can You Truly Help Anyone and Everyone?
I’ll just be straight up with you: you can’t help everyone. And don’t be tempted to clandestinely find some sheep DNA and start cloning sheepish versions of yourself to do exactly what you’re doing. Not only is cloning an ethical swamp, you still wouldn’t be able to help everyone.
While it may be obvious that you can’t help all people, you also can’t help just any person who shows up in front of you. For some, you may remind them of an ex-lover and they are too triggered to be helped by you. For others, they speak a language you don’t speak and so you can’t get very far. Whatever the reason, for some, whatever it is you do just won’t work.
Humbling, eh? You may have the biggest, best, most wonderful whatever-it-is, and yet you, like we all do, must face our limits.
It’s a good thing, though. Because now you are confronted with the choice: who are you here to help? And who aren’t you here to help? Not that you would turn them away from your door, homeless and starving, but that you aren’t actively seeking those people out.
Don’t collapse into feeling worthless. That’s not humility.
The humility required here is the trust that everyone and everything is in the hands of the Divine. That you are not the sole safety net for the universe. That you are being used by the Divine Safety net, but just one section of it. Who are the people you can trust to let go, knowing they will land in another part of the net?
Big breath. Nice. Okay, with this settling in your heart, you can confront the tenderness.
Whoa! Feeling Kinda Visible…
In the last ten years, over and over again, I’ve seen that the process of choosing who you are here to help is an incredibly tender process. People feel naked and vulnerable in choosing, which brings rise to an incredible tenderness.
Ignore the tenderness to your detriment. The tenderness is the natural feeling of shifting away from being reactive: “I’ll work with whoever asks me to help them.” This stance is a safer stance to take. You don’t risk rejection. You don’t risk anything except starving because so few people let you know they are interested.
When you do allow the tenderness, it deserves compassion. But what is compassion? Compassion is the heart knowing there is already room for all of who you are, both the human imperfection and the Divine perfection. Compassion is the breathing room your being needs to show up in this world and do your part.
Be compassionate with yourself. Don’t push too hard. Yet know that being compassionate doesn’t mean backing away from the tenderness. It means standing in the tenderness of choosing your clients long enough to notice that there is also a fantastic and grounded feeling of power that comes with it.
The shift from reactive, “I’ll work with you if you ask,” to proactive, “I’m here to help these people confronting thisproblem,” is a remarkable, passionate, caring, powerful stance to take. People will notice this. Actually, they’ll be more certain you are the one who really understands their specific need.
Humility + Tenderness = Niche Finding
With a big dose of humble focus and the rooted power of tenderness, you are ready to plant your flag, shift from being reactive to proactive, and choose who you are here to help.
That choice, once made, will bring you those wonderful things you’re yearning for: ease in creating offers, finding your clients, doing marketing, and receiving referrals, among other things.
And won’t that feel great?
Pick Up The Workbook (No Cost)
I did write a whole workbook on how to get clarity on this topic. Go get it, if you haven’t already, the Heart-Centered Answer to “What Do You Do?” While you’re there, check out the rest of ourBusiness Heart Toolkit, all there for the taking.
27 Responses
Wow, Mark. What a lovely post. I’m feeling a tearfully and (why am I surprised, tenderly) hopeful spark of recognition here – is it really as easy as that?
I think I need to go sneak the computer under my bed comforter to read this again in secret so the gremlin from the land of It Has To Be Hard To Be Good doesn’t catch me….
Love, light and blessing!
Sherrill
Woo-hoo! Love the tears (me, too) and love the under-the-covers image. Enjoy!
Sherrill, I love under the covers hiding from that gremilin!!
This bit I find especially pertinent: “Not that you would turn them away from your door… but that you aren
Corrina- exactly. It’s a huge shift in thinking. I’m so happy watching your business really take off.
how more down to earth can it be?? 😀 Great article Mark!, it gives me a good focus, thanks!
Niels- shazam! I try to be grounded, even in the spiritual stuff. I mean, what else is there except to be here? 🙂
Hey Mark,
So very true! It’s part of the spreading yourself too thin philosophy overtaking the nation — so you don’t miss anything. A business owner can’t be good at everything or serving everyone. Better to be fantastic at a few things or for a certain kind of client.
My experience has been similar to Corrina’s above. I got more and better clients when I narrowed down the clients I could best serve. It boosts biz confidence.
Thx. Giulietta
Absolutely! Wouldn’t ever want to miss anything ever…. sigh…
Boost that confidence! Narrow your options!
Wow, this is so beautifully put.
From the yet to be released Heart of Business Lexicon:
Niche (verb) as in “to niche”-
That is so true, Cathy. I’m glad you brought that up about us needing to feel cared for and safe as well.
Hey Mark
There’s another side to niching that occurs to me. And one that may be valuable for us all in these times of information overwhelm.
Over the last several years I’ve cast my net wide across the internet marketing advice scene. I signed up to scores of newsletters and imbibed advice from every direction I could find.
The result was I lost my way in the swamp of “me too” internet marketing gurus and their often dubious ethics.
I ended up nauseous from the often “less than totally authentic” values of some of those I was associating with.
And I found that some of those who appear to be the nice guys can be the most manipulative…
Ultimately, although I certainly learned much of value out in the wilderness, I returned to my Heart and the unshakeable guidance of spirit as to how to market my business. From this shift, all that was not true began dropping away.
And I found that focusing on only a very few teachers is sooo much better than spreading myself thinly with many.
This is why I read all your posts and often contribute comments. Because my attention is focused on Business Heart as the only marketing newsletter I now read, I have the time and attention to do your work justice, rather than skimming off the surface.
Well, as you can imagine there is much more behind this than I can write here. Hopefully we will be able to share stories over countless cups of tea one day! 😉
? Leo
I so look forward to meeting you, Leo. I’m honored that you chose us to learn from. And even if you hadn’t, I applaud your choice to focus in.
I hope everyone takes that advice on, even if someone ends up dropping us. Study closely with someone you really resonate with.
Thank you, thank you Mark for posting this now. I’ve worked through this section of Unveiling the Heart, but that was at a time when there wasn’t a true start to what I’m doing and the writing I did was fuzzy. To do this work again right now is timely and relevant. Even though I want to change the whole world and my heart hurts when I see the suffering of others from my perspective…it’s still got to be reined in and focused to do any good.
You’re awesome.
Hey, you’re awesome, too. And I know that I’ve often had to let things simmer before I could really dig in- and I’m glad you gave yourself that time. Or maybe you didn’t have a choice. 🙂
Great post, Mark! I’ve been following your blog quietly for some time now and am currently in the throes of defining my Who-Who-What. Great stuff! Thanks for the work you do …
Thanks for speaking up! It’s great to hear from you and glad this landed.
Mark,
Inspiring post!
I’m finding that focusing on a niche creates a space to be more authentic with what I have to offer.
Instead of going wide, I can dig deep and really find the hidden treasures for a market.
Amen! Dig deep. Drink profoundly. Eat your fill.
Mark, I really resonate with the humility + tenderness = Niche Finding. I found the experience of choosing a niche opened me up to a vulnerability I hadn’t expected.
This is such an important topic and one that I find a lot of soulful service providers shy away from – (escpecially in the beginning) of learning how to market their business because they don’t consider themselves to be an expert at what they do and they don’t yet understand that choosing a specific tribe of people to serve will actually allow them to reach more people with their special brand of transformation and they will make more money.
There are 3 really important things to understand about yourself when choosing who you want to serve:
1) You own Unique Brilliance (who are you in spite of all your accomplishments? what is your essence?)
2) What are you a stand for no matter what?
3) What are you an expert at or in (or want to be?)
Of course there’s more criteria but those 3 components are so important to helping you to align yourself with your perfect client so that you will automatically begin to speak the language that they are already listening for. And the really good news is that language will be authentically yours!
Love your stuff~
Exactly, Schelli- it is surprisingly tender, and the three points you named are important doorways into the process. They are mirrored in our own Unveiling Your Jewel exercise, and the work around the Who-Who-What. Right on! thanks for talking about them in different words. The more people get it, the better.
Just found your website today, neat stuff here! I am with you, making changes and making profits in business is way for me too. I am going to check out your oasis program.
Right on, Mike. Thanks for the kind words. If any questions pop up, ask.
Love this post. I am especially caught by the idea that “I’ll work with whoever asks me to” is a safe space to be. And I completely agree. Reminds me that I need to invite people to work with me, and helps me to shift out of that reactive state to proactive.
Aha! Glad you loved it, Megan. Rock on! Shift… shift…
Hey Mate, thanks for sharing such a useful article. Bookmarked
Hello Mark!
This is a great post, thanks for sharing!
I started following your blog a few days ago. It brought me a focus that I needed to study a niche what I have knowledge.
Thanks for do this work…